xXx (dvd)

Boy, does this suck.

Oops... sorry, I've forgotten the convention: start with a witticism or subtle metaphor that ultimately reflects the overall opinion of the piece. Let's try again...

Boy, does this suck.

Oh well, I'd better explain myself. When this first came out if was trumpeted as James Bond for the 21st Century which got my hackles up a little: 007 turned into homage and parody years ago rather than trying to reflect reality. That said, I was looking forward to seeing this on DVD. Unfortunately among a multitude of faults 'Triple X' takes itself rather more seriously than Bond while still having a pop at be-tuxedo-ed secret agents getting shot in an anarchistic club, M and Q US-style characters, secret underground bases and rather familiar title sequences.

This could all be forgiven if it was actually any good. The stunts are all explosion without spark, acting without performance and dialogue without script. Vin Diesel was okay in Pitch Black but then again he didn't say very much. Even the subtitled Czech character lines were cringeworthy: 'Catch him quick, kill him slow'.

This is possibly the worst so-called action movie I've ever seen. Not so much xxx, more zzz.

Saw (dvd)

I've yet to read a review that gets more than 3 sentences in without reference to SE7EN. Not surprising really as here's another sociopathic serial killer with a method to their madness and a plan for their philosophy.

Whereas SE7EN took the deadly sin theme, Saw attempts to play on the victim's vices or failings and compose traps and tests that will either teach them a lesson and cure them or torture them and kill them.

One of the taglines is 'Dare you see Saw?' and if you're at all squeamish about blood then this is not a film for you. But in putting all of its effort into devising gruesome endings and scenarios it misses its potential in psychological torture and dilemma - something I would find a whole level more squeamish.

Some great performances including an underused Danny Glover but the subplots, including his, don't quite hang together. This genre of film tends to all hinge and depend on the grand reveal: although you're kept guessing trying to work out the pieces of the jigsaw the impact of the reveal is somewhat lacking. Personally I believe it thinks its cleverer than it actually is, quickly drawing together disparate strands that don't really weave but certainly leaving the door open (or is that closed?) for the sequel later this year. More shock than awe.

Peter Kay: Live at the Bolton Albert Halls (dvd)

A fan of Phoenix Nights and his mock-umentary series I'd never been impressed with Peter Kay's stand-up. To be fair though I'd only really seen his Blackpool show from 2000 and while alot of his themes were similar here they were perhaps just much better executed in this, his 2003 show.

Most of his material consists of taking some (frequently-northern) oddity or aspect of human nature and mocking it, asking 'what's all that about?' That's never seemed the highest level of wit and too many of his laughs come from this observational book of comedy when his other writing obviously displays much greater talent. Still, this time the laughs do come and though they may not last for long (the amusement dissipates as soon as its told) some of them are extremely astute, incredibly funny and worryingly familiar. Favourites included:

1. your Dad numbering the video tapes and wondering how he's run out of the number '3' stickers
2. your Mum calling you every other family member's name before your own
3. Sunday evenings consisting of Bullseye, bath and taping the top 40 while trying to edit out inane DJ patter with the pause button
4. explaining to parents that you need to press a button to hang up the line on their new flashy cordless phones
5. the joys of the weekly Asda 'big shop'

It's charming and impressive that he's managed to build up a fair collection of material that's often alluded to; fans will pick up on the 'gaarlic bread?' and a fair few Phoenix Nights references. The best stand-up I've seen him do but not as good as his best writing.

Sin City (cinema)

I knew slightly more about Sin City than the friend who accompanied me but even I was a bit concerned when the 'trailers appropriate to this feature presentation' all turned out to be for horror or psychological flicks like Deep Water and Red Eye. I provided reassurance, with fingers crossed, that it was just because they were likely to be at the higher end of the '18' spectrum and nothing at all to do with the style of the main event.

I was right: an extremely bloody set of episodes set against a sumptuous black and white background with the occasional and glorious colour detailing for focus and effect. No supernatural horrors here.

The fact that the scenes are comic book in style (though we're not talking The Beano here) help the audience cope with extremely shocking and violent episodes as well as paying due homage to its comic book origins. That said, not all the audience was as understanding and several people walked out after 10 minutes or so as I've heard is regularly the case.

The characters are gritty, flawed and seemingly immortal at times and performances from the male leads, Bruce Willis, Mickey Rourke and Clive Owen were excellent. The female leads, valkyries and the more sugary ones didn't quite have the same impact despite being allowed to shoot guns and wield samauri swords with sadistic glee. Jessica Alba, who seems to be on more of the Sin City posters than is deserved, looks great but sounds weak in a cast of gravelled and aggressive voices.

I can't finish without mentioning an absolutely spectacular piece of comic relief which was in danger of keeping me laughing through the poignant and emotional finale. A beautiful yet terrible film to look at.

This is how it goes (theatre)

A decent American?

So this is how it goes... or at least that's how our narrator remembers it. This Donmar Warehouse-staged, Neil LaBute-written play seeks to question, challenge and, at times, embarrass the audience's perception of race and political correctness.

It was apparently inspired by a letter received by the writer following his film Nurse Betty where, shock of shock and horror of horrors, an interracial kiss takes place. At least one so-signed 'decent American' expressed his disgust that the liberal showbiz left wing insisted on pedalling the perverse acceptance of such relationships. This letter adorns the first page of the programme and inspires an uncomfortable scenario of unintentioned(?) racist comments, childhood rivalries and domestic violence.

The audience is denied the safety blanket of a clear hero and villain. Ben Chaplin, our narrator and lead, jokingly and charmingly sets up each scene lulling us into a false sense of moral security. The scene will then mercilessly exploit this: a line will provoke a laugh before the audience corrects itself with shock and often ashamed silence. From the after show discussion it was interesting to hear how this varies considerably by demographic. Matinee performances apparently laugh harder and longer at these points...

There's no easy way to love this play. It's well performed, well staged and provoked a couple of hours of debate on racism and infidelity over drinks in the bar downstairs afterwards: maybe that's more appropriate and relevant acclaim.

Layer Cake (dvd)

Parcel deliveries have improved in London in recent years

We Brits seem to be adept at churning out rom-coms with bumbling aristocratic wannabes and gangster romps with bunging East End thugs. As you probably know Layer Cake falls into the latter category with a drugs deal going wrong, various links in the chain yadda yadda yadda.

This would be a poor example of the genre if it weren't for Daniel Craig's punchy and pacy narrative and a superb and innovative (Christmas present buyers, note) sountrack that includes a favourite composer of mine: Craig Armstrong of Plunkett & Macleane and Moulin Rouge fame.

The idea of this 'layer cake' of different parties and levels of seniority and complexity would be a fantastic premise for the film if only it were executed well. As it is it's a rather a pedestrian exploration rather than the grand reveal the premise deserves.

It's not a bad film but doesn't do well on the 'so what?' test particularly after the slightly contrived and very deliberate two fingers to Hollywood climax.

Lido (show)

A visit to the Lido on the Champs-Elyses was an essential and incredibly memorable few hours of my recent visit to Paris. Recommended over the Moulin Rouge (must investigate to be sure) I still had little idea of what to expect: feathers, dancing and beautiful scantily-clad pert women, yes... but that could have been any Saturday night.

This was so much more though: a truly extravagant revue of music, acrobatics, ice-skating, horse-riding, dancing and general strutting around the stage with huge smiles and very little else on. I was even distracted from drinking my inclusive champagne and gazing at my companion. Yes, from drinking my champagne.

Sensory overload as a plane flies in (honestly!) from the wings (no pun intended) with a stage full to bursting of shocking colour, sequins and skin. Just when I thought it couldn't get any camper, it does: this is what the world would look like if Cher and Liza Minelli were allowed to breed. Speaking of whom, the evening brought the revelation of my knowing most of the words to songs from Cabaret. I blame two people: a friend and a family member, the latter of whom would be in camp musical heaven at this show.

Hard to know what to pick out for special mention: perhaps the Andrex puppy-man dangling from a drape á la BBC idents / Swamp Circus, the compact ice rink and compact skaters that rise from the floor, maybe the nice chaps in top hats and errr chaps maybe... the list goes on and on.

It is so camp it's like being slapped in the face with a wet tight white T-shirt on Canal Street if you can imagine such a thing. Before it started I wondered why there was nothing like it in London; by the end I knew exactly why. It could only happen in glorious, gay Paris without irony or apology.

Collateral (dvd)

Cruise prepares for his next encounter with Channel 4

Taxi driver meets girl, girl gives tax driver her number, taxi driver picks up guy who looks suspiciously like movie star Tom Cruise but who turns out to be hitman, taxi driver forced to drive around from hit to hit, taxi driver escapes, realises hitman's final hit will be his previous fare, taxi driver saves girl, Will Smith probably none too happy...

How many times have we heard that story? About as many times as the diminutive Scientologist has played a baddie (not including that mask bit in M:I2). But put a bit of grey into his temple and a Ruger revolver into his hand and he pulls it off surprisingly and eerily well.

To be honest that's just as well as there's not alot else here. Tom Cruise playing against type is just enough to detract from a hollow script and a disappointingly superficial performance from Jamie Foxx. Even the action set pieces lack tension and pace with the superb exception of one bullet and soundtrack frenzy in a nightclub.

I see from recent adverts that at least one high street retailer has reduced the DVD to an impressive £6.99. Probably not worth it.